What have I been up to lately?

         

           The first three months (February-April) of this year was a nightmare for me and my family. We've loss three loved ones for three consecutive months. For the month of February, my closest Uncle who happens to be our current Punong Barangay just left us in just a blink of an eye. On February 12, 2021; Chinese New Year, early in the morning, the two of us were walking back and forth at our garage and outside our driveway, he was even eager to pick the snail that crawls near my plants. He picked it up and threw it away along the road. I went with him outside the driveway and usually do our "tambay" routine early in the morning. On that moment, my Mom also went near us. With a couple of chit chats from the three of us, Tatay just slowly bend his knees as if picking something from the ground, at first I thought really he was going to pick something yet I was tensed when I saw he is getting pale and he is not responding anymore. Since I am the runner and the able in our house, I was one of those who brought Tatay to the nearest hospital. We even tempted him to transfer to the ambulance who encountered us along the road but the personnel from the rescue team saw how critical Tatay was, he ordered us to directly bring him and instead they escorted us with a siren. Seeing Tatay being revived from that moment, I feel like thousands of rocks and heavy objects were being thrown at me. It was so painful. Signing the waiver to stop all medications and reviving Tatay, was the hardest part. My hands were shaking, my mind is grumbling, sweat and tears were combining and I feel definitely lost that day. 

           February 26, 2021 at around 9 o'clock in the morning, I called out my eldest cousin to assist Mommy because she can't walk straight coming out from the toilet room. I saw how weak she was as if her potassium level went to zero. We were on a panic situation because she is very weak yet responding to us. I called our family doctor and she ordered to bring Mommy to her clinic in Leganes plaza. I was not able to accompany her because I can't leave our house because Tatay's wake is still on going. Mommy was rushed to the hospital and was brought to the Covid suspect ward. Her sister and their cousins were the ones who accompanied her. She was swabbed late afternoon and on February 27, 2021 in the evening, her result turned out positive. Immediately, a personnel from the RHU Leganes called us to stop welcoming guests and visitors on Tatay's wake. To abide the protocols, we closed our gates immediately. March 1, 2021 at 2:30 in the morning, I received a chat from my Aunt saying "bugtaw ka pa? Pkdto kami hospital ni Manang mo Jam (our fam doctor and Covid Doctor) kay si Mommy mo gin hapo." Reading those lines, I felt cold and my heart keeps beating fast. Another message from her sister "relax lang ha,wala lang anay makabalo. Si Mommy mo gina revive." Seeing the word "revive" I wanted to scream but holding back my tears, I still calmed my nerves. At around 3:30 am, I got the confirmation that Mommy passed away. It took me two straight hours before informing my Mom. She was the last person in our house to know because I can't help thinking what will happen if she'll know right away? I can't call our relatives near us to accompany me to watch over my other family members who are left in our house because we were quarantined. Mommy was immediately cremated on that same day, without us. She died without us. That was so painful. She stayed at Gegato Funeral homes for almost a month because we first finished Tatay's funeral on March 21, 2021. 

          Mommy's funeral is scheduled on April 7, 2021. Of course, the day before the funeral everyone is busy preparing. On the night of April 6, 2021 relatives and neighbors went to pay their final respect for Mommy. Some were talking to one another, some were playing cards, bingo, etc. A family friend during that night even redecorated Mommy's console table with fresh flowers where she is being displayed. Me together with my Aunts; Mama's cousins were busy packing up our snacks for the funeral on the next day. My Uncle, younger brother of my Mom was at his room. Early in the afternoon, my Mom told him to have some rest because he needs to have some relaxing time since he was busy preparing whole day some errands and he definitely needs that time because he also has gone heart attack twice already. At around 7 in the evening, I checked on him asking if how he is doing, he answered me "okay lang ah. kapoy lang ni akon. ga pa-ol lang akon tiil." I had a doubt when he answered me complaining about his legs because I knew that is one of the sign when you will have a heart attack. He re-assured me that he doesn't feel any symptoms of pain or loss of breathing. So before leaving his room, I told him "sige tulog tulog ka lang da Bok, indi gid pag padaloma tulog mo ha. Bato-e ah!." I didn't knew that will be my last message to him. 9:45 in the evening, my youngest cousin run towards me crying and said "Ate Ate si Daddy bok si Daddy bok", I immediately rushed towards his room and as I saw him, he is about to become pale as if going back to what happened to Tatay. People were screaming, Mama went out of the house before Daddy could be carried out from his room because she had phobia to what happened to Tatay. I didn't volunteer again to be with Daddy to go to the hospital because I can't walk from that moment. I was frozen at that time. I can't handle the screams of everyone in our compound. All were crying and mad at the same time. Mad because they can't help of our family's situation. When I received the call confirming that Daddy was declared dead on arrival, I went "catharsis" outside our house. I even punched our door. I wasn't able to face directly to my Mom. I informed my Mom 4 hours after her brother's death because really we had enough. 

         Lately, I haven't attended my online class because of so many- many processing that I need to finish. I have been exposed to different agencies, government departments and other offices to claim benefits and other assistance because we are totally hard up. For now, these are my hobbies. Waking up early in the morning, cry because of the situation, taking up my medication then proceed to different agencies and offices to process, go home, disinfect myself, sleep and to have some rest. Three simultaneous deaths is a no joke. We are financially unstable at the moment. We are struggling to cope up a huge amount for our remaining balance in a Funeral Home. 

          Also, because of friends and loved ones, I am bit by bit facing the reality. However, impromptu phone calls and calling my name in a loud manner still gives me chills and my heart beats fast. I guess my experiences really had a traumatizing effect on me. I am just thankful that at least for now, I can say that yes, I am a strong person. Who can imagine that I faced and still currently facing these challenges and problems at this very young age? Friends and loved ones helped me smile nowadays and most especially my Faith in Him. Never did I questioned God's plan towards me and my family. Because of my Faith, I am still here hoping for better and successful days and years ahead.